I received news today. I'm not sure whether it's good news or bad news, but nevertheless it is news.
I can't dance for another two weeks. boo!
God has taught me many things since my last post. Things like "Shut up and listen" all the way down to: "Do you love me?" "Of course I love you!" "feed my sheep" you know how it goes.
My biggest struggle currently is finding happiness and fulfilment during this time.
Being active makes me happy, doing activities makes me happy. Sitting on the couch does not do it for me. T.V. doesn't either. Being the "Crip" is no fun.
Gimpy is not Becca. I don't slow down. Not for anything. Not ever. Not this time. Wait....yep. This time I have to. There's another lesson. Maybe to be the person I'm working so hard to be I need to stop. breathe. and think. Not to be confused with breathing while thinking about not stopping. a.k.a. usual Becca style.
Sitting and talking with God, listening, and hearing what I need to hear has been really hard. I'm not going to lie, it's still not happening the way I know He wants. Why is it so hard for me to stop? What do I have to lose? I have EVERYTHING to gain. That's the reality.
I know God will heal me, in his time, on his watch. I am drunk on hope that I get better tomorrow, but let's face it. It's probably not going to happen. I am not a superior being. If it takes 4-6-8 weeks to heal a bone, I'm human just like everyone else, and it's going to take that long for me to heal too. What was I thinking?
I was thinking "not me. not a dancer. not my job that I love."
It is me. It does stink.
Dear Becca, life is not a fairytale. Not for you. Not for Cinderella. Not for anyone.
Let's all take in a huge dose of reality. Here it is, on a spoon, open wide:
Turn off the computer and other distractions, dust off that Bible, read it, and pray.
It's truly amazing what you will discover.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Tired and Broken.
Well...It's been a couple of months since my last post. It is absolutely crazy how things change so fast. I was right about a few things. I feel empty with my two besties not being with me every day. I'm so excited for one to get married, but I don't want to share her, even though I know that is selfish. Also, it doesn't help the fact that I most likely won't have a date to her wedding, because I wouldn't take just anyone. that was selfish too...huh?
On that note, I met a WONDERFUL guy. (cue pretty music now) yep. However, for God's reasoning...or his... the timing wasn't right, (Stop music) and I don't know why I thought that a relationship could bloom from a very brief friendship. duh. Those usually don't work out and are called "flings." I don't know anymore, but the Becca I used to know would NEVER have a "fling" and be okay with that. So, there's another wake up call: Base relationships on strong friendships.
ok, I found her. Becca is back. whew.
looking back at previous post (which I feel really silly about now btw)
I can't believe I worried about fitting into that can can skirt, because I have plenty of room...however, I won't be dancing in that skirt for a while. I broke my toe. :( sad summer.
I don't think I could ever sympathize with injured people accurately, until now. ouch. NOW I understand. I also know that a toe is NO BIG DEAL compared to a lot of things, but it's still a pain and it's robbing me of my joy right now.
Pray. I know, that should work things out right? Well, I think God is teaching me so much right now, that He is not healing me as quickly as I would like to on PURPOSE. He is definitely teaching me lessons. Honestly, sitting down and letting people do things for me is a lesson. It brings them joy to be able to help. I learned that in "90 minutes in Heaven" too, but now it's definitely being reinforced.
In other news....
I think I have been a light this summer, but the perfectionist in me is telling me it hasn't been bright enough. so now, I'm trying to kick it up a notch, just not with my right foot. lol?
and once again, my serious post has turned corny. That's definitely been a theme lately. Maybe it's the pain meds. yep.
On that note, I met a WONDERFUL guy. (cue pretty music now) yep. However, for God's reasoning...or his... the timing wasn't right, (Stop music) and I don't know why I thought that a relationship could bloom from a very brief friendship. duh. Those usually don't work out and are called "flings." I don't know anymore, but the Becca I used to know would NEVER have a "fling" and be okay with that. So, there's another wake up call: Base relationships on strong friendships.
ok, I found her. Becca is back. whew.
looking back at previous post (which I feel really silly about now btw)
I can't believe I worried about fitting into that can can skirt, because I have plenty of room...however, I won't be dancing in that skirt for a while. I broke my toe. :( sad summer.
I don't think I could ever sympathize with injured people accurately, until now. ouch. NOW I understand. I also know that a toe is NO BIG DEAL compared to a lot of things, but it's still a pain and it's robbing me of my joy right now.
Pray. I know, that should work things out right? Well, I think God is teaching me so much right now, that He is not healing me as quickly as I would like to on PURPOSE. He is definitely teaching me lessons. Honestly, sitting down and letting people do things for me is a lesson. It brings them joy to be able to help. I learned that in "90 minutes in Heaven" too, but now it's definitely being reinforced.
In other news....
I think I have been a light this summer, but the perfectionist in me is telling me it hasn't been bright enough. so now, I'm trying to kick it up a notch, just not with my right foot. lol?
and once again, my serious post has turned corny. That's definitely been a theme lately. Maybe it's the pain meds. yep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
