Sunday, November 29, 2009

Distraction

Lately I can't focus, my mind wanders. Satan is trying to distract me.
I reflected on my journal entries to see where I got off track. They all had something in common.

11/2/09
God,
I am unprepared, overloaded, and distracted. Help me to better equip myself to serve you, Lord, clear my mind of all of these distractions. Why do I feel like there are very FEW decent min on this earth? I know every person you ever made was perfect. I'm not doubting your creation. I know you have created MILLIONS of WONDERFUL men, but where are they? Why do men lust over women in ways I do not understand? (After I was done ranting I came upon a beautiful thought and a very consistent prayer of mine)

I want to pray for my soulmate, that he is loyal to you God, doesn't lust for every girl he sees, doesn't soil himself in any way in your eyes. Please bless him and watch over him for me. Wherever he is, whatever he looks like, keep him safe for me. I CAN wait to meet him because I know your timing will be perfect. -Amen.

11/16/09
Someday my Prince will come. (with doodles of hearts and crowns around it of course. I know, real mature, Becca.) He will be a Godly man with dreams of his own. He will know who he is, and I will know who I am. When we meet, we will remain true to God and ourselves. I want a husband who will pray with me. We will read the Word together; we will look toward God and form a magnificent triangle. At the base, we will always be apart, but as we look to God, we will climb the slopes and draw nearer to God, while shortening the distance between us, husband and wife, so that we may be as close as we can possibly be through our relationship with God. Our Rock, Our Redeemer.

11/20/09
Lord,
You made me realize that I'm so picky in what I want ina husband, and I'm not trying hard enough to be the kind of potential wife that I want to be. I should be trying harder to be everything I want to become because only then, will I ever deserve the man of my dreams.-Amen.

11/29/09
God,
Men will always fall short of you, but help me to one day find my soulmate, who holds the other half of my heart, that will not fall short of my expectations. On your time, whenever it's right. Your timing is perfect. Always. -Amen.

Clearly I am distracted by the male race. There's a constant internal and external battle over tying to please others, myself, and God. It's impossible. I realize that now, because of a friend and his wisdom that never ceases to amaze me. It's true, if I'm not good enough as I am, I should walk,...no....run, away. So if I truly believe I'm the precious teacup that God made me to be, my mind should never be distracted, because that's how I'll know my soulmate and I are right for eachother. And he'll think I'm beautiful, and I won't be able to take my eyes off of him, or stop gazing into his (insert color here) eyes.

Until then,
I'll be trying to be
The best ME
I can be.
So that when I meet him
We can be
the wonderful WE
I've always wanted
to be.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My head

If you knew what was in my head,
I wouldn't have any secrets.
Without secrets,
There'd be no suprise.
Without suprise,
There'd be no chase.
No doubt.
No worry.
Just reassurance.
Just a spade.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Eyes Wide Open

Sometimes friends are the greatest teachers.
I think I've had enough to learn quadrouple,
If only I'd listened, been humble,
Examined everything they had to say.
Had I sought out more opportunities to grow,
I'd be huge in an awesome way.
The first step is realizing the chances before me.
My eyes were too blind to see.
My head was so buried in a school book
I forgot to stop and take a look.

The second step is seeking You,
With all I have, with all I do.
There's a reason why "Listen" and "Silent" share exact letters
They go hand in hand, always together.
My lips are sealed, you have the key,
When I listen give it back to me
I'll speak your word, I'll say your name,
I'll be your hands, You'd do the same.
With eyes wide open, pour on me Your Love,
So I can fly on wings of a dove
To Heaven, and back
To stay on track
As I focus on you,
In all that I do.

The Third step will deliver me
Effortless eloquency
A habit, unwavering
Second nature, unshaking.
Prayer, Praise
Living your ways.
Helping others,
Selflessly.

I think too much, but not enough
I know what I want, but have no clue
I know what I want the future to hold,
Yet I have no control.
God is my driver, my refuge, my sight
He's the only one in darkness makes light

With eyes wide open, and ears unmarred
I will Listen and wait for You
In every story, it's You I'll seek
Help me to bring you Glory.

Teach me.
Protect me.
Guide me.
Use me.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The best worst ending

He broke my heart, shattered my world, tore me down, slashed my self esteem, and left me to die. Why? I have no idea.
Here’s the happy part. God saved me. He delivered me. Showed me who I really am, and what I truly deserve. He was nowhere near what God has planned for me. As you can read above, I WAS SO HAPPY and in love. But knowing that one day I’ll be even happier thrills me, and I pray to God every day for a loving relationship focused on him. I will never stop thanking him for my blessings.
I will love again, and I am not afraid. I am no longer broken, shattered, or dead. I’m so alive in Jesus Christ, the most important thing in my life.
The BIGGEST lesson I have learned from all of this is that just because you’re IN LOVE does NOT mean that he is THE ONE.
It’s been nine months since that horrible, WONDERFUL day. And knowing that I’ve already learned this much, reminds me that God is in control and he’s working very fast in me. I am his vessel, and I can’t wait to see who he brings into my life next. I am so blessed.