Pieces

"Don't break me, I bruise easily.....Please take care of me. This is a message from your heart, your most devoted body part, taking blood and making art." -Kina Grannis

Maybe we aren't supposed to live our lives looking for the missing pieces, maybe we ARE the pieces.

Like a children's puzzle.
God is the foundation, the cardboard backing, that everything fits in.
When God agrees with our decisions, the pieces fit, and they stick.
People will stick in your life if they are meant to be there.
When two pieces fit together so perfectly, let God "glue" them in place.

I have met someone I don't want to lose.
But I pray.
I pray that if he is not supposed to "stick around" that I would not waste time and energy
trying to cram a puzzle piece where it doesn't go,
where it will never fit.
And that I would not I tear other pieces to try to make this ONE fit.
Because the whole puzzle would be ruined.
It would never be whole.

But also...
I pray that since he fits so well right now,
I will not lose this connection.
The complete feeling I get when I am with him.

Faith is completly trusting something you can't see.
I am trying to have faith in this feeling.
Maybe too much.
I'll never know if I don't try.

Life is passing us all by, so quit looking for the pieces and be one.
Glue yourself into the foundation of God, and wait.

Maybe then one will find you.

Something New

"This could be the start of something new, it feels so right to be here with you. And now, lookin in your eyes, I feel in my heart the start of something new." Gabriella in HSM

Finally some new challenges face me.
I am learning to be more open about my faith to others, and I'm planning on going on my first mission trip this Spring Break, Lord willing.
This is brand new to me.

Yesterday,
I asked God to help me while going through Soularium card training. (an evangalism tool)
At first I was weary to use these cards to reach someone, then I realized that the cards don't do the work for you, they just start conversations.
After some practice and the training was over, God opened a HUGE door.

My friend Megan and I came back to my room, and ran into my Korean roommate.
She asked us where we had been and what we were doing, and that's all it took.
Within minutes we were sitting at my living room table going through the cards and questions.
To make a wonderful, long story short, she didn't know how to pray, so we helped her, and she accepted Jesus Christ last night. PRAISE THE LORD!
I'm so happy that I was able to experience and help with the process. I had a freebie pocket bible in my room that I quickly ran to get and put her name in it, because she didn't have one of her own. She is eager, and that is so encouraging.

God used me.
In a way I was scared of, and new too.
He is preparing me for my trip, and I thank him so much.

I can't wait to spend ETERNITY in Heaven with my roommate Hye Yun.

I titled this post as Something New, because other things in my life are new too.
New interests,
new joy,
new hope,
and a new me.

This is the feeling I have been praying for,
I was in a rut with all of my school work and distractions.

I'm very excited to walk through some of the other doors what God has opened, that I have not mentioned yet, because I want them to go perfectly.
One makes my heart sing.
One brings me new Joy.

Prayer and faith has brought me to where I am, and it all started for me a time ago, the same way it started for Hye Yun last night.

Wow. I think I like New things.

Isiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid,
the Lord, the LORD, is my strenth and my song;
He has become my salvation.

Reoccurring Themes

There's been a reoccurring theme within my posts, if you can't tell.
1. Faith and my struggle with trusting in the Lord and doubting myself.
2. Being distracted by the male race, and trying to find Mr. Perfect, or "The ONE."
3. Trying too hard to be accepted, and caring too much about my appearance.

I'm upset to admit that those are the same things that challenge me today.

I am trying to trust that God has a bigger plan for me than I have for myself, and I need to be patient. Once I wait long enough, I'm sure the Lord will show me that I will need to sacrifice my plans for His plans.

I'm still hung up on the idea of not knowing when I may meet "the man of my dreams" and thinking he could be anywhere. My girlfriends tell me that he will find me, and I don't need to be looking, but I can't help being hopeful, and too optimistic.

I've met guys that I think are really great. I mean really really great. They are everything I want. They are men of God, respect women, have big dreams, talent, ethics and morals, determination, and funny. They are so much more than those things, but I'll try to keep it short. They are not MY someone, but they are someone's someone. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I guess it reassures me that there really are some great guys left out there girls. I just haven't found MINE yet. At least, I don't know it yet.

Lastly, I still find myself primping every morning...for no reason other than to look my best "just in case" I meet "THE ONE" today. Because, afterall you never know right?

It's all silly, and it all occupies my mind. They are my distractions. They keep me from being the Confident-trusting-forviging-respectable-down-to-earth woman I want to be.

I will be.

The meaning of the title of this blog "Wrapped Up" is exactly what I want to be.

A woman so wrapped up in God that people have to see Him first to see me.

Love. never. fails.

1 Corinthians 13

Love is Patient, Love is kind, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres,
LOVE NEVER FAILS.

A long talk with a friend just revealed to me, Love is patient.
Why am I in a hurry to date?
I should be patient.
We all know my plate is already full,
so why am I looking so hard?

Love is kind.
I shouldn't poke fun at my friends to show them I like them.
It tears them down.

Love always protects.
I'm so blessed that I have male friends that protect me,
care about my heart,
don't want anything bad to happen to me.
They are blessings.
However, they need to know that they are my friends and there are boundaries
so that when I trust them, they don't take that the wrong way.

Love always trusts.
Trusting someone is voluntary.
You have to choose to trust them, and keep trusting them.
I can't waiver in that faith, if I ever decide to give my heart away again.

Love always hopes.
This one gets me.
I am hopeful of every guy I meet, because I never know if he'll be the one.
Love at first sight is not in this verse. I don't know if I believe in it.
I'm too nice, and too hopeful.

Love always perseveres.
Love can overcome anything....IF..
It is love based around Christ.
That's what I want, and what I'm looking for.
I will patiently wait, fearing the Lord, knowing that he is God,
and sometime, somewhere, someday, someone....
will knock my socks off.

untill that day....
GOD'S LOVE NEVER FAILS

whoosh!

Do you hear that sound?

It's the sound of life passing you by.

You miss 100% of the chances you don't take.

"If you're gonna be somebody, if you're gonna go somewhere, you gotta wake up and pay attention..."

I have been wondering why I haven't really accomplished anything lately, while reading my Bible, and I read story after story of people taking HUGE risks, and listening to God.

Wake. up. call.

Whoosh.

Speed Dial

As I sit alone at night watching YouTube videos of past choral experiences,
I envelop myself in atristic feelings.
I remember the joy of making beautiful music,
The way it sounded resonanting in my ears before it hit the audience,
The way it brought me to tears in rehearsals.

Singing is what brought me closer to God.
Songs like Psalm 23, and selections from Handel's Messiah are my roots.
The first songs I could feel God working in, talking specifically to me.
Like a phone call.

Then there's the countless love songs, that make me extremely happy and jealous at the same time.
Winter by Z. Randall Stroope is a slow choral piece that says,
"Come close to me, my strength, my life."
I can sing that song and pretend like I know what this feeling feels like, but I can only imagine.
So I wait. God, I'm waiting.

Rene Clausen wrote a beautiful piece to his wife for Valentine's Day (this makes me happy and jealous too....and puke a little bit)
that says, "Oh my love's like a red, red, rose that's newly sprung in June. Oh my love's like a melody that's sweetly played in tune. I will love the still my dear, 'til all the seas run dry. So deep in love am I."
God knew I'd have a tough Valentine's Day and this would pull me through. It's like He left this song on my voice mail, to listen to later.
And it worked.
The cadences, melodies, harmonies, and emotion take over me.
Music is more than meets the ear to me.
It's an experience.

As I watch the sea of bright pages turn simultaneously, or like a giant wave across the deep angelic choir, I remember why I do what I do.
It's for God.

So whilst my directors push me to become a better musican, I will stay true to my love for music, and use it for the glory of God. No matter how much fun they try to suck out of it.
Whilst I am humbled by the fact I am not nearly as talented as my comrades, I will praise God for everything he DID give me.

Music is my anti-drug, my release, my paint.
My passion, my hobby, my heartbeat.
My direct line to God.

FAITH

Faith (Feyth) n.: Belief in something you cannot see. SYN: Trust

I recently had a talk with a friend about how much faith I have in God, and that gets me through life, and delievers me. I believed every word I said. I wear a ring around my finger with the precious word inscribed on it. It's what I thought I had enough of, but you can never have enough FAITH.

Hebrews 11

1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.

2-40 Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Esau, Joseph, Moses, David, Samuel, and the Prophets all had FAITH.

FAITH gets us through trials,
FAITH saves us,
FAITH heals us,
FAITH leads us into the unknown,
FAITH leads us closer to God.

This hit me like a 18 wheeler,
I have been praying the same prayer and God is sick of hearing it.
He knows the desires of my heart, and he wants me to have FAITH that he will take care of them, and answer them when the time is right.

I guess having faith ties in with being patient.
I hear you God.
I'll be patiently waiting with the strongest faith inside of me.
For You,
And all you have in store for me
In your wonderful plan for my life.

If you're struggling with something, and you've prayed for it a time or two(or a million if you are me) my advice to you is to let it be. God hears you the first time. Trust in Him, and have a little faith. (or a lot!)

Greater things are yet to come. But you gotta have faith.

Distraction

Lately I can't focus, my mind wanders. Satan is trying to distract me.
I reflected on my journal entries to see where I got off track. They all had something in common.

11/2/09
God,
I am unprepared, overloaded, and distracted. Help me to better equip myself to serve you, Lord, clear my mind of all of these distractions. Why do I feel like there are very FEW decent min on this earth? I know every person you ever made was perfect. I'm not doubting your creation. I know you have created MILLIONS of WONDERFUL men, but where are they? Why do men lust over women in ways I do not understand? (After I was done ranting I came upon a beautiful thought and a very consistent prayer of mine)

I want to pray for my soulmate, that he is loyal to you God, doesn't lust for every girl he sees, doesn't soil himself in any way in your eyes. Please bless him and watch over him for me. Wherever he is, whatever he looks like, keep him safe for me. I CAN wait to meet him because I know your timing will be perfect. -Amen.

11/16/09
Someday my Prince will come. (with doodles of hearts and crowns around it of course. I know, real mature, Becca.) He will be a Godly man with dreams of his own. He will know who he is, and I will know who I am. When we meet, we will remain true to God and ourselves. I want a husband who will pray with me. We will read the Word together; we will look toward God and form a magnificent triangle. At the base, we will always be apart, but as we look to God, we will climb the slopes and draw nearer to God, while shortening the distance between us, husband and wife, so that we may be as close as we can possibly be through our relationship with God. Our Rock, Our Redeemer.

11/20/09
Lord,
You made me realize that I'm so picky in what I want ina husband, and I'm not trying hard enough to be the kind of potential wife that I want to be. I should be trying harder to be everything I want to become because only then, will I ever deserve the man of my dreams.-Amen.

11/29/09
God,
Men will always fall short of you, but help me to one day find my soulmate, who holds the other half of my heart, that will not fall short of my expectations. On your time, whenever it's right. Your timing is perfect. Always. -Amen.

Clearly I am distracted by the male race. There's a constant internal and external battle over tying to please others, myself, and God. It's impossible. I realize that now, because of a friend and his wisdom that never ceases to amaze me. It's true, if I'm not good enough as I am, I should walk,...no....run, away. So if I truly believe I'm the precious teacup that God made me to be, my mind should never be distracted, because that's how I'll know my soulmate and I are right for eachother. And he'll think I'm beautiful, and I won't be able to take my eyes off of him, or stop gazing into his (insert color here) eyes.

Until then,
I'll be trying to be
The best ME
I can be.
So that when I meet him
We can be
the wonderful WE
I've always wanted
to be.

My head

If you knew what was in my head,
I wouldn't have any secrets.
Without secrets,
There'd be no suprise.
Without suprise,
There'd be no chase.
No doubt.
No worry.
Just reassurance.
Just a spade.

Eyes Wide Open

Sometimes friends are the greatest teachers.
I think I've had enough to learn quadrouple,
If only I'd listened, been humble,
Examined everything they had to say.
Had I sought out more opportunities to grow,
I'd be huge in an awesome way.
The first step is realizing the chances before me.
My eyes were too blind to see.
My head was so buried in a school book
I forgot to stop and take a look.

The second step is seeking You,
With all I have, with all I do.
There's a reason why "Listen" and "Silent" share exact letters
They go hand in hand, always together.
My lips are sealed, you have the key,
When I listen give it back to me
I'll speak your word, I'll say your name,
I'll be your hands, You'd do the same.
With eyes wide open, pour on me Your Love,
So I can fly on wings of a dove
To Heaven, and back
To stay on track
As I focus on you,
In all that I do.

The Third step will deliver me
Effortless eloquency
A habit, unwavering
Second nature, unshaking.
Prayer, Praise
Living your ways.
Helping others,
Selflessly.

I think too much, but not enough
I know what I want, but have no clue
I know what I want the future to hold,
Yet I have no control.
God is my driver, my refuge, my sight
He's the only one in darkness makes light

With eyes wide open, and ears unmarred
I will Listen and wait for You
In every story, it's You I'll seek
Help me to bring you Glory.

Teach me.
Protect me.
Guide me.
Use me.